Although I admit that I really like the new 50 Cent single, I found this TOTALLY hilarious! Here's what Popjustice (popjustice.co.uk) had to say about it:
NOTE: This is NOT for the faint-heated!
"In their review of 50 Cent's new album, The Guardian asked, "He can't rap, he can't write, he can't even insult people... what use is 50 Cent?"
DUDES! That's like, so scathing! Because everyone who's heard Fiddy's new single, 'Candy Shop', knows that 50 Cent is really useful for at least one thing - f*cking!
Seriously, viewers, this guy's just amazing at having sex. He's just unstoppable! (Although of course if you were a lady and you were having sex with 50 and you asked him to stop, he would do just that. There's nothing remotely RAPEY about this guy!)
In the wholly impartial 'Candy Shop', Fiddy employs various 'metaphors' to explain how brilliant he is at screwing. For example!
"I take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollypop."
Translation: "Ooh my p*nis is quite big, you can suck it."
"One taste of what I got, I'll have you spending all you got."
Translation: "My sperm tastes nice."
"You can have it your way, how do you want it?"
Translation: "I am versatile in my ability to f*ck people. I know lots of different ways. There's missionary, for a start. And the other one. Seriously, there are as many as several positions in which I can - and have - f*cked!"
"You gon' back that thing up or should I push up on it?"
Translation: "Are you going to move your v*gina towards my p*nis, or should I move my p*nis towards your v*gina?" (NB: This may seem as if 50 Cent is not masterful in bed, but it in fact simply goes to showcase he versatility as a sex-maker - see above!).
"If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho."
Translation: "My RHYMES are almost as innovative as my lovemaking."
"Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor."
Translation: "I've got a p*nis!"
"And we gon' sip til every bubble in the bottle is gone."
Translation: "We are, or rather 'you are', going to suck my p*nis until all the sperm has come out, which will no doubt take ages because A: My c*ck is really big, and B: I have lots of sperm in me. Seriously, you could go whitewater rafting in my scrotum."
"I'm a seasoned vet when it come to this sh*t"
Translation: "I know how to charm!"
"After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick."
Translation: "I've still got a p*nis!"
"Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch 'em in thongs?"
Translation: "I don't really understand WORDS very well."
The saddest thing about 'Candy Shop' is the line: "I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands". If it was anybody else you'd applaud their clever M&M gag; in 50 Cent's case you know you're dealing with the world's most "thick and mundane" rapper, and that he hardly even realises why the line's funny, and it's all a bit sad really..."
| Replied by Rohan |
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Post time: 2005-03-23 20:36:22 |
Aah - I see at least I UNDERSTOOD the lyrics correctly...! 
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